LAWS OF ATTRACTION

Monday, February 25, 2008

For footloose fellas, it could be a pillowy pout, lithe legs or a pert posterior that does the trick. Ladies on the lookout, on the other hand, might find themselves drawn to bionic biceps, puppy-dog eyes or designer stubble.

But whatever it is about the opposite sex -- or same sex, for that matter -- that gets your engine purring, it seems there's more than pure hormones to blame for our horniness.

Psychologists have unlocked the science behind that stirring in our loins when we first clap eyes on a potential partner. And it turns out that beauty isn't just in the eye of the beholder, it goes right down to their generational genes.

Top psychologists Viren Swami and Adrian Furnham unpeel the layers of physical attraction in new book The Psychology of Human Attraction.

And they have discovered that, far from being skin deep, the changing perception of beauty is as entrenched in evolution as discovering what our hind legs are for.

The study looks at how evolution has affected what's considered to be hot and what's not in the modern dating and mating game.

And according to Viren Swami, we've gone from fancying rugged Tarzan types to perfectly polished Brad Pitt, voluptuous Venus de Milo to super-slim Kate Moss.

'The idea behind the evolutionary psychology of physical attraction is quite simple," he says. "We' ve all evolved to find other humans attractive. But the cues for recognising beauty have changed over the years.

"We still look out for things like signs of health -- a symmetrical face, for example -- even though conditions have changed and we're not constantly under threat from disease.

"However, these days we judge people first by body size and then by facial characteristics, much more so than old-fashioned barometers of beauty, like symmetry."

And the bad news is if you've eaten one too many mince pies over the festive period, you can't expect to pull under the mistletoe.

The study showed that when it comes to waistlines, we're a shallow bunch after all.

"The majority of our participants admitted that they would be more likely to help an average weight victim of a road crash than an underweight or overweight one," Viren told. "Likewise, workers who are a normal weight are considered harder workers, get better starting packets and are less likely to get fired.

"So, yes, it seems most people prefer someone who is thin to someone who is overweight. Within that, though, there are individual preferences towards someone who's on the underweight or slightly plumper side."

But even if you're a perfect 10 or sport a six-pack, you may still be deemed a minger thanks to today's impossible standards, according to the author.

Unlike our ancestors, who cruised for glowing girls and burly blokes who looked like they could fight off the plague and produce offspring without a problem, these days only A-list looks will turn heads.

Celebrity culture has skewed our perception of beauty in favour of pneumatic pop babes and airbrushed actors. "We're bombarded with the idea that certain individuals are attractive," Viren explained. "It's fair to say that within particular cultures, most people share an ideal of who or what is beautiful. Some argue that it's a biological thing -- that we share the same genes so we have the same perception of beauty.

"But the likely explanation is that we live in the same society and so are exposed to the same ideal through celebrities.

"In the Western world, for example, it would be almost unnatural not to consider a busty blonde like Pamela Anderson attractive."

However, if you're not a double for Angelina or a Colin Farrell lookalike, don't throw in the romantic towel just yet. There's always the option of long-distance love -- what doesn't float boats here can set pulses racing elsewhere.

"The most important factor in determining what we find attractive is the society we live in," Viren added. "Body size is the best example of that -- in the developing world larger bodies are still seen as attractive, whereas in the developed world skinny bodies are desired.

"Darwin had a whole list of beauty practices that people did in different cultures to make themselves more attractive, like people in Borneo who filed their teeth to make them blunter because it was thought to be beautiful.

"What's deemed to be attractive is the norm within that particular culture."

And while we're more likely to opt for teeth whitening than filing on this side of the world, the psychologists argue in their book that we're tinkering with notions of beauty in far more sinister ways. Evolutionary expert Viren reckons that plastic surgery is set to distort ideals of beauty even more for future generations. "The short answer is that we don't know what effect plastic surgery will have on the evolution of what it means to be attractive," he says.

"But the idea that we have to change our body to fit an ideal is a problem in the first place. The whole idea of ideals is ridiculous. There's no such thing as perfection.

"So much emphasis has been placed on appearance that it's almost normal to feel negative about your body. It's difficult to say where we go from here."

And he urged people to rediscover the joy of sticky-out ears and spare tyres, instead of aspiring to bag or become one of the beautiful people.

"We need to rediscover the meaning of beauty and ways of finding beauty in different places. In real life, I think most people don't end up with a Pamela Anderson type.

"We have to ask why we place so much emphasis on appearance and who stands to gain.

"In the seventies, feminist authors wrote about cosmetics companies having a vested interest in ensuring women felt bad about their bodies.

"It may be a little more complex than that but there are certainly vested interests maintaining the idea that we're not perfect, but should be. We need to start challenging that.

"As a society, we've lost the meaning of beauty."
The Psychological Laws of Attraction

The psychology of attraction is a very intriguing topic effectively determining the laws of attraction, the rules of getting drawn to certain people, the basis of friendships and also the success of relationships. Attraction is a social, biological and evolutionary process. We are attracted to certain people due to social reasons as we may be able to establish social rapport with such individuals. When there is a reinforcement of positive social responses between certain individuals with repeated interaction, feelings of liking and lust, attraction may develop along with a sense of being comfortable with each other developing a sense of familiarity. However just as a sense of familiarity gives rise to attraction, in some cases strangeness or the urge to know someone can also lead to attraction.

Thus as far as social dimensions of attraction are concerned there are two exactly opposite reasons for which one may get attracted to another person. One of these is a sense of familiarity or feeling comfortable with the other person and the other is a feeling of mystery or strangeness that can draw us to other people and both these social reasons are equally powerful in the psychology of attraction. Attraction however happens across physical and personal dimensions as well and we get attracted to people physically again for two reasons – either because the other person looks similar to us or our family members again bringing in a sense of familiarity or because the other person looks completely different, exactly opposite to how we look and this difference attracts us. Thus if you are a woman with very feminine features, you might get attracted to men who also have soft features or to men who have extremely rough masculine facial features and body structure.

In most cases however couples end up dating someone who look similar or have similar levels of attractiveness or simply resemble family members so there is a sense of comfort or familiarity when dating the other person. This could have a narcissistic explanation as we all love ourselves first and can thus only fall in love with people who look similar. The similarity can also be on personal dimensions of taste and likings, of preferences, of race and religions and of similar social backgrounds. However sometimes a person of completely different taste, religion or background can intrigue us and let’s say these two different approaches to attraction can work equally in some people although in some others one would dominate the other. This suggests that some people are attracted to similar people and dissimilar people equally whereas some others are attracted only to similar ones. Although very few individuals get attracted to completely dissimilar people and these people would be seekers of novelty. In some cases if you are a highly artistic individual and kind of a dreamer, you might get attracted to someone more practical and if you are high strung, you would like someone calm and controlled. Although a reflection of your own self in the other is again attractive so despite differences some similar traits between individuals can lead to higher levels of attraction. It is that unconsciously we are attracted to individuals ‘who are like us but not exactly similar and who are opposite to us but not exactly opposite’. When two individuals are too similar or too different the attraction may die out as soon as it happened and does not bring about lasting relationships.

There are evolutionary reasons for which one person is considered more attractive than others and the traditional explanation is that usually men are considered attractive when they have power, wealth and social status and women are judged on the basis of their looks which represent fertility. This is because she is the one who gives birth to the progeny and he is the one who provides for them. However with changes in social structure and men and women taking up similar roles, in future women and men could be equally judged in terms of looks, youth, fertility and/or social status, success, wealth etc.

Younger women may get attracted to older men and vice versa as also older women get attracted to younger men and vice versa and this can be explained with the Oedipus and Electra complex in Freudian and Jungian psychoanalysis that explains why young men can fall in love with mother figures and young women idolize father figures. Men who are extremely attached to their mothers, may show dependence towards mature females and harbor some sort of fascination for married women in some cases. Women who have faced molestation or abuse at a younger age from male members may develop intense attraction or repulsion for similar men at a later stage in life. In some cases young men and women can develop an attraction for people who are similar to celebrities/ famous people of their choice. Sometimes these are not so constructive forms of attraction and may not lead to real love or lasting relationships. So these are best psychoanalyzed and understood so that such feelings of lust could be best channeled towards other directions.

The laws of attraction can have similar explanations in case of homosexuality, heterosexuality or bisexuality. A homosexual usually looks for similarity in the other partner because homosexuality is largely based on narcissism. A bisexual will get attracted to both similar and dissimilar individuals. Strange that it may sound, repulsion can also lead to attraction because the opposite is intriguing as well so if a person develops strong hatred or repulsion for another person of the same or opposite sex, a sexual attraction can precede or follow in some cases. This will however have more to do with complex emotions of love and hate which will require a separate discussion.

Finally how do we understand or express our attraction? This of course is the science of dating, courtship and attraction, the laws of which which are discussed by all dating gurus and agony aunts. However expressing attraction is a complex process although this is very important and can actually lead to the breaking or making of a relationship. In most cases, men express their attraction towards a woman more aggressively and yet indirectly by focusing on himself – he might try to show off his car or brag about his qualifications and status. Men tend to ‘internalize’, it’s always ‘me’ or the ‘I’ factor that comes first. When a man says, ‘Look I have no time, I have meetings to attend’, he is only trying to suggest, ‘Hey, I’m a big guy, I’m worth dating’. Most women will consider this sort of boasting as immature but women have their own way of suggesting that they are attracted. Usually women tend to ‘externalize’ and she doesn’t try to point out to herself but uses her dress, her style, her external appearance and sometimes flirtatious gestures directed to the man to show that she is attracted, women are sometimes more direct and obvious in their admiration. Men might scratch their head to understand why women use so much make-up or dress to impress and show off their bodies. This is because women use these tools when they are attracted. She will rather say, ‘I am free tomorrow night’ suggesting ‘Hey, I want to meet up with you’. Of course there are other traditional signs of the lover’s gaze, blushing, smiling or laughing too hard, spilling drinks or messing up, nervousness, discomfort, restlessness that all suggest signs of attraction. Usually these signs of attraction are rather unconsciously expressed suggesting changes in the brain when we are attracted. Love is explained by the physiochemical changes in our body and attraction being the first stage, some related changes also occur with enhanced hormonal activity. Attraction is thus largely a biological and psychological process expressed socially considering evolutionary perspectives and is based completely on physical and personal similarities and/or dissimilarities. The psychology of attraction can be used to understand whom we can potentially get attracted to and why and what we should do or not do about it.